25 brilliant CV one liners

Some say that the CV is the eye to the soul. Some say that you never truly know a man until you’ve read his CV. Some, say the below.

Here are 25 brilliant examples of the amusing things people say in their CV’s..

 

  1. Rather than state he has been unemployed, this man lists his job title as ‘House Husband’ working at ‘Domestic Engineers’. His duties include ‘cooking & cleaning.’
  2. This man states ‘I currently work here’ in his ‘accomplishments’ section.
  3. Duties include “cleaning, making sure work is presentable and stabbing’ for this scary applicant!
  4. Spot the typo..  “My copy-editing skills border on that on obsessive-compulsive” 
  5. Interests; “I play snooker (badly)”. Thanks for the heads up!
  6. Hobbies and interests: “I also play computer games, which require problem solving skills so I can complete missions”
  7. The simplest of pleasures: “Hobbies; painting/DIY/ money/fresh air/water”
  8. Skills: ‘The “deadlines”.’ the quotation marks reflect your enthusiasm..
  9. Covering letter: “Sorry to bother you once again but unfortunately (for you) I have seen another vacancy advertised on behalf of your recruitment agency and would like to declare my overwhelming interest in this position.”  Really??
  10. Additional information: “I am 4 children” Erm. Ok. 
  11. “Being a hardworking dedicated and reliable (ha ha ha it still makes me laugh) individual”  REALLY?
  12. “Should you require a self aggrandising moron with a major napoleon complex then feel free to drop me a line.” seriously.
  13. A noble student: “Education: University of live. Grade: Parent.” 
  14. “I don’t think your job is the best in the world but I’m prepared to slum it for a while until I find something more worthy of my valuable time.” Gee, thanks…
  15. Past experience: “The manufacturing of anal boats.” Always manually spell check!
  16. Finishing your covering letter with “So in brief gis a job I’m amazing” errr, no thanks!
  17. About me: “I am a good man of purpose”. This is cute.
  18. Opening to a cover letter: “They say titanium is bulletproof. That being said, I must be made of it”
  19. “I pride myself in the quality of my work and it does not go unnoticed” that one guy who won’t shut up about how good he is..
  20. “I enjoy boxing with my kids” Not sure what to say here – we hope they can fight back!
  21. “In my first year alone I decreased sales by 320%” Ouch. 
  22. Hobbies: “I like to keep active by walking and using the computer” Grammar is so awkward at times.
  23. “Objective: To keep my mind busy, before old age creeps in…” Aww.
  24. “I am a collector of old tins and spanners” Hehehe. Spanner collector. Someone’s gotta love ’em!
  25. Skills: “I don’t drink hot drinks, which I have found increases my productivity”. Honesty is the best policy, guys!