15 more shocking CV one-liners!

After our previous post 25 Brilliant CV one liners proved to be a big hit, we thought we’d bring you a fresh batch! These are the mad, crazy things candidate’s say on their CV’s…


1. “flexible hours required (as to be honest I am unpredictable”

2 “I cannot dance ;)”

3 This was the subject of a candidate’s application email: “Applying to supervise some bitchez”

4 “Just wondering if you want a real man who is going to treat your workers like a real boss”

5 “If you want a production supervisor, am here pumpkin pie”

6 One candidate named their CV “The Real Alien”.

7 ” Work experience: – Passing on Hope”

8 “Work Experience: 1992-1994: Trans Rape, Back Ender

9 “Work Experience: – 6 months experience at HMP Wakefield” (At interview we uncovered the truth!)

10 “Education and Qualifications: Derby College, – Diploma in sex and bondage level 3″

12 “References: Academic: Dr. Willy Kitchen.”

12 “oh hang on, that sounds like something Peter Sutcliffe used to say, I do apologise”.

13 “please contact me by email. I have problems with the phone (it is wet)”

14 “I’m desperately in need of a job. The sex months are running out and heading back to Holland shouldn’t be an option”.

15 “Skills: Used many lies to cover absence, so I can spot them a mile off.